Dec 7, 2008

Beautiful Afrika

"Calmly the curve of the earth rolls away to where grass meets the sky, Gently the outline of faraway mountains enveloped in clouds, hazy and still in the heat of the day. Deep flowing river swirl, lined with a thousand trees, silently jealously guarding their permanent pools of deep shade."

"Beautiful Africa" African Jigsaw by Peter Rose and Ann Conlon



These lyrics from a musical I was in, in high school, are all I could think of in fact I was humming in between loud sobs on Thursday morning (Dec 4th) as I looked out the window from my seat and I saw Afrika below me. It was amazing. She is a gorgeous woman. It was just after dawn and we must have been over central afrika. It looked like we were flying over a misty sea and every so often the very rugged backs of the mythical green creatures that live in that sea kept peeking out. As we descended lower you begin to realise that these aren't the scaly relatives of Nessie, they are instead the peaks of some lush green mountains.
Man oh man is this place gorgeous...I was sick with a cold (thank you damp and dank england) but for those three hours it took to arrive in Johannesburg I was falling in love with Afrika all over again. I could understand why those explorers (hehehehehe) were drawn to this place......

Cut to the immigration, baggage claim and customs saga:
After walking, I shit you not 25mins, I finally arrived at immigration. I must have been a sight....sweat pouring, whooping cough-sounding cough, and my very wild and lacking moose mane...I meet Mr. Immigration man. I can barely stand and I have lost my voice...
Mr. Imm: Welcome to South Afrika
Me: thanks
Mr. Imm: Mmmm Zimbabwe (looks at my passport)
Me: Yes but I live in the States
Mr.Imm: Where did you get your Visa
Me: Chicago
Mr. Imm: Really? (flips through passport) "3 months multiple entry to visit family" what? what kind of visit is this for 3months?
Me: I am going to be spending time between here and Zimbabwe
Mr. Imm: What for?
Me: I am really sick and I am tired is there a problem?
Mr. Imm: mumbles something is South African..Ok you can go

Then I go and wait for my luggage at baggage claim where I am quickly reminded that personal space is a concept I learned in America. I am jostled about and no one seems to care that I am sick. It is so hot I feel my feet beginning to slip and slide inside my first class slippers....Did I mention that flew first class...no? LOL! That my dears is a story for another day...but suffice it to say that I will NEVER fly coach again....which means that after this trip I shan't be flying.....hehehehehe

So finally the luggage from my flight comes through and I quickly grab my bags and teeter and totter toward the door that bears the sign "Nothing to declare" and as I am about to step over the door the threshold, I hear " Excuse me Sisi, can you come this way please"
@#$*&!! They got me. Customs lady is hott! and she seems to be friendly enough and I think to myself this won't be too bad.....
CL: How are you?
Me: I am fine
CL: what flight?
Me: BA 55
CL: Ohhh you are Zimbabwean? (flipping through my passport)
and so the dance begins
CL: What do you have to declare?
Me: Oh just a few things, I mainly brought presents for family and friends back home but the majority of the items are mine....since I will be here for 3months
CL: Hooooo! (Afrikan for Ohhhh!) Well why don't you just open up and show me, eh?
Me: (to my self...Pigeons!!) Oh ok! The smaller bag is the one with presents
Remember I am sick and have no voice so I am whispering and really starting to fade at one point they brought me a chair....no repreive from the customs gouge, just a chair!

She went through everything I had, the smaller back was jam-packed with Obama T-Shirts, Chicago key-rings and more Tshirts. I bought 5 of every size of Hanes underwear for women. I had bras, arthritis medicine, shoes, multi-vitamins, journals....and she took all of it out and made me write down the price......So then she turned to my larger bag, and that point I brought the drama and I started swaying back and forth, coughing ridiculously and almost fainting. CL was a little freaked out by that she stopped searching my shizz! She just charged me R89.98 (USD $9) for the DUTY FREE single-malt I got from my brother. I intend to contest that charge!!

I can't believe I am home. At the airport I am hit by the heatwave and the smell of Africa. Not caring about who is near or in whose way I stand, I stop and I inhale deeply, filling my lungs with the stench and sweetness all mingled. I am home....I kinda wish I could kiss the ground like Pope John Paul II did that one time when he came to Zim and everyone flipped out. But 1) I am not the Pope 2) I don't have an audience expect for Dennis who would think me an asshole for embarrassing him 3) the ground is kinda icky, so I hug him instead.

Sakubona Afrika!

Nov 26, 2008

Jetlag and Homesickness

I miss the Chi-ire. My flight in was uneventful. I drank lots and lots of Champagne and I did the NYT crossword and the one in USA Today. Then I watched two movies and slept. England is damp and ugly...seriously not aesthetically pleasing at all. I am realising how very American I have become...very profound moment to realise that the very American exceptionalism you criticise when in America is what you practise when out.

It's good to see my friend. She has two boys now one is 3 and the other 4mos. Very cute boys but ALOT of work. I don't how (or why) she does it. She and her hubby have been so gracious. Not much to say except "I am getting very sleepy, very sleepy....." Jetlag is a Bastard!

Nov 9, 2008

Visa Approved

True Story:
One friday after waiting a week almost to hear from the British Embassy about the status of my visa application I decided to take matters into my own hands. and by this I mean I called on a former higher-up at the embassy to intervene on my behalf. So she sent an email at 9:52am and by 1:12pm my visa application had been approved and I received an email informing me that it would be ready for pick up Monday...HA!

The best moment of the day was telling this story to a co-worker and then breaking into "I've got friends in High places" almost simultaneously...I love that girl!!

Nov 1, 2008

Reality Check 1-2-3

So today is November 1st (side note: ex-husband and best friend's bdays, both VERY old now hehehehe) and I am officially in the month of my departure....Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy JOY! And a few amusing and profound things have happened.
  1. "The Entry Clearance Officer has assessed that your application is not straightforward and has deferred your case in order to make further enquiries." This is a sentence from the email I received from the British Consulate about my Visa application to spend some few days in the motherland...ooops, given the patriarchal nature of colonialism I guess Great Britain...and who fucking calls themselves Great anyway...is the Fatherland...anyway apparently my plan to visit friends on my way to and from Afrika is not straight forward y'all....Watch this space, I'll keep you posted on that.....But you have a Green Card you say? Uh Huh, that's what I thought but apparently green bomber (Zim passport for those not in the know) trumps green card.....
  2. This morning I got up and showered....on a Saturday!! Well it's only cuz the owners of the diggs I am playing gypsy in till I leave came back, and well let's just say funky naked time is over. So because it be Saturdee I took a long luxurious shower. Turned the water on to get the temperature just right, so give or take 5mins of water just running with no one under it. Then I used one of my many million face wash creams in an attempt to rid myself of the could-be-adult-acne region round my forehead....man I can't have adult acne, damn it I have awesome skin...why now??? Anyway when I finally got out of the shower 25 mins later, smelling like sunflowers (body wash) and mint julep/apricot (face wash/scrub) it dawned on me that I am going to suffer in Zimbabwe....who the fuck takes 25 minute showers that begin with 5min water warms up...what? do I think the water is going to cramp during my shower, that it needs to stretch? Anyway I think it's time "to act white and get serious" and "have a come to Jesus meeting" with myself because this luxurious I am Paris Hilton's BFF shizz is not gonna fly kwaNemauzhe kwaChivi where I propose to spend my first two weeks in Zimbabwe with my Mbuya vamaGhedhe and my Sekuru vaToni....giving them the time I should've given them when we had the time...regrets
  3. I still haven't finished my research proposal.....all I know is that I want to talk to some womenz bout how they be negotiating their national-identity versus what the nation-state has symbolically created for them....WORD!